Home  | Newsarchive |  Calendar | Contacts  | Community englishрусскийdeutschitalianofrançaisespañol

News

Друзья клуба по всему миру

THE IMPRESSION

I am aware inside myself. Opening attention to the sensation of the surrounding body, I feel its outline. Within that form are sensations of tingling, movement, a kind of ‘buzzing’ or ‘humming.’ There is the beat of the heart, the rhythmic pulse of blood in motion.  There is the breath moving through the nostrils, with the accompanying movement in chest and abdomen. There is the impression of body as a wall, a porous membrane separating material outer from the subjective interior. In the mind, words and images appear in conjunction with this direct experience followed by an evaluation of their accuracy. The ‘world’ of experience at this moment is directly perceived as having three levels or concentric rings. There is the outer world, including the physical body as its closest representative. In the middle is the world of thought, image, valuation. Most interior is a level directing, dividing and holding attention on the other two experienced as exterior to its locus of perception.

Something else is now felt, something deep in the body’s interior; a sense of constriction, density, sharpness. Words of irritation, jealousy, offense appear.  Another voice observes these words with further evaluation, naming them vanity, hubris, egoism. Immediately a different quality is tasted with associations of shame, disappointment, ruefulness, disgust; the remorse of conscience. How can it be that after so many years of inner work, such deep and seemingly sincere longing to transform this ordinary self, that this manifestation of wanting credit, this wishing to seen of men, continues to linger in the depths?  Am I not working hard enough, meditating enough, studying enough, worthy enough?  Why continued resistance from this representative of ordinary self to my highest inner aims? How can this exist in the midst of a state of three centered attention? 

INITIAL RESPONSE

A choice is perceived. Will remorse feed the wounded pride of self-image or illuminate its delusions? At this moment, there is sufficient quality of presence to access the time-body of Work impressions. Memory of countless efforts of work with negativity blend to suggest direction. Divided attention is refreshed, this time between the taste of remorse, with its object of perception, and the wish to ...... to what?  There seems to be the possibility of different wishes. One is recognized as the wish to be free of suffering the burden of contamination from egoism within my psychological body; but, is the aim of Work to free myself from ‘suffering’ the reality of imperfection? 

Attention moves back to the envious complaint initiating this question: how can this be understood? A glance down reaffirms the confirmation of ‘levels’ within this inner world. Here is the wish for self-oriented, mental/emotional forms to leave me and never return.  I can see them, feel them moving within, subsiding now but not yet quiet. Their aspirations reach out through me into the world, wanting from others recognition of their imagined sense of importance. They don’t appear to see me looking at them. Where is this place of looking down? It certainly feels higher, or deeper, in some way to the object of its interest. The wish from this higher location is to be free of attachment to rewards from the outside world. The wish feels sincere, yet, obviously is not shared universally within.

Something is now noticed between these two levels, something not focused on recognition from outside, but rather, seeking recognition inside. It has taken this image of itself and divided it in two.  It wants to see itself the way it wants others to see it, while pretending, both to itself and others, that outer recognition is not important.  This attempt at self deception is interesting. 

PONDERING

Mr. Gurdjieff describes egoism as “abnormal and unbecoming to the essence of any three-brained being whatsoever” and states “this said Unique-property egoism usurped the place of the Unique-All-Autocratic-Ruler in their general organization.” [p107,380] Egoism seems to be the attitude of pretending to be what is not, taking credit for what one has no role in creating. It is theft.

Reflecting on this multi-layered inner world of psychological experience as corresponding, in some way, to the division of cosmoses, then everything would have its own level and function within that location. Perhaps this constellation of feeling and thought we call egoism, also has a place and function at its own level.  Gurdjieff says it is “abnormal and unbecoming to the essence,” but, is it unexpected and unlawful to the personality under the circumstances of its own level?

What do I know about the ‘levels’ below this location from which this inquiry is taking place?  I know from experience and study that the body has a built in mechanism for survival, instinctively distinguishing safety from danger.  My body’s preference for avoiding discomfort is a constant reminder. I can see how this function is echoed subjectively in my relationships: discomfort when feeling unwanted by others or concerned about acceptance of ideas and opinions by those to whom I give significant valuation.

ITOKLANOZ

This first subjective body of meaning comes into existence through what Gurdjieff calls “first education” or “Itoklanoz,” the cumulative impact of all intentional and unintentional influential people and surrounding events during growth towards “responsible age.”  

Initial stirrings of self-awareness, distinct from the surrounding world, will immediately be confronted by the Itoklanoz process, blending with the program for biological survival and social imperative for security among people on whom survival depends.

What will aid in this lawful, programmed social/biological quest? The physical body,  instinctive processes in place, mechanically matures following its inherited pattern. This pattern of muscular, hormonal and nervous system responses becomes shaped by the influence of environmental and social feedback. An adaptive sensitive psychic body, personality, as its capacities begin to appear within the developing mind, forms around the essential pattern of potentialities, utilizing or suppressing these qualities dependent on their functionality for the process of safety and survival.

Thus inevitably develops an outer layer of the inner world of feeling/thought, as distinct from sensation. Like the rind of a fruit surrounding a deeper, richer, juicier interior, gifted with capacity to conceptualize about the body’s relationship with its surroundings, it seems lawful that a portion of psychic capacity would become dedicated to assisting the preservation imperative. Unable to compete with the instincts for quickness in the moment, this psychic assistant could contribute to the survival mission by devoting its capacity to plan for moments to come by reviewing moments past. Thus the physical body would live in the moment while the psychic body of personalized memory and interpretation would contribute its imaging capacity to straddle subjective past and imagined future to assist the body in protecting its existence. How could it not be so ---- and how could it possibly transform? I can no more eliminate my personality than I can get out of my body. I live inside both. The potential for freedom must lie in a different direction.

SENSE OF SELF

A subjective increase in quality of inner experience, beginning its penetration into the material mind, can be symbolically represented by both the vertical line of the cross and the upper triangle of the six pointed star.  As this energy descends from above the life of the material body, it is first experienced as sensitivity to the world outside perceived though the sensory organs.  As it develops, new functions of memory, interpretation and creating meaning appear. These are clearly different levels of potential carrying different qualities of awareness and possibilities for understanding. When a minimally sufficient level of the vertical penetrates, automatic conditioning and sensitivity become blended with higher levels of awareness. I become aware of myself in the process of experiencing.

This nacent tip of self-consciousness learns to believe itself good or bad, competent or incompetent, clean or unclean, through interaction with its surroundings, primarily direct and indirect attitudinal and verbal indications from others. Underneath either positive or negative self attitude is the conditioned belief that I “can do,” or ought to be able to do, and that the ultimate aim of this doing potential is to be projected into the outer world, rather than sought in relationship with the non-sensual world hiding behind its conditioned gaze. It doesn’t know that it has been trained to look for its source and sustenance in the wrong direction and that to know itself requires looking in two directions simultaneously. Awakening into an Itoklanoz dominated level of sensory and human interaction, who or what can help consciousness understand the mystery of itself?

In Gurdjieff’s ideal, Foolasnitamnian world, this dawning light within would be greeted by sensitive recognition. A real teacher, an Oskianotsner, would offer joyous initiation to the arrival of this self-recognizing, initiating guidance towards relationship with the true source of awakening, calling forth a sense of responsibility to use the light for service to others, to the life of the planet and to God. Without such support, our little body and little essence are alone in their struggle with the pressure for conformity in behavior, reaction and thought to the outer world view. The question of who I am becomes entangled with the sense of survival. Seeking to gain favor, and thus safety with our surrounds, we draw from the essential qualities given at conception to shape ourselves into a form that will ensure these pragmatic ends. 

If sufficient success occurs, the sense of self accrues positive value labels. I will begin to think of myself as a “somebody.” I will need this developing image fed sufficiently to become stabilized. Its maintenance confirms a sense of reality and safety. If my efforts and qualities are defined as unattractive or unsuccessful, this insufficiency will suggest weakness and consequent danger to myself. If, in particular, I come to believe that what I am is unlovable or incompetent, I will conclude my interior, itself, is insufficient and a threat to my survival. Turning on myself as the source of my problems, an object to be feared or despised, becomes a type of auto-immune reaction that will make the later inner spiritual search that more difficult, if possible at all. Regardless of either hypothesis about my value, the underlying question, “Who am I”?, continues to haunt. It seems to have an independent component, not tied to the biological/ social question, but emerging from increasing self-awareness.

Here appears a sense of Gurdjieff’s Theomertmalogos as interactive energy levels reverberating below as above. His cosmology posits an “atom of God” inside everything such that descending levels of the creation are composed of more and more individual atoms of God held together in increasingly complex forms. The essence of God must lie at the heart of everything, including the awareness of what I call “myself.”  At the level called “myself,” the breath of Theomertmalogos, the word of God, can be experienced along a continuum, from moments self awareness inside the body to increasingly deeper levels of waking inside feeling, inside thought, inside the ongoing flow of life. Surely these deepening levels of experience will differentially illuminate questions about myself.

EGO AND EGOISM

Gurdjieff continually reminds us of the necessity for specificity in discussing inner work.  His system stresses distinctions between inner and outer, higher and lower, finer and courser, lighter and denser such as essence and personality, real I and false I, waking and sleeping, conscious and subconscious. This quality of relativity clearly refers to different levels of potential psychic experience. Does the term egoism refer to the same level or quality as Ego?  Gurdjieff does say our “Ego-individuality is sharply dual”.   [p 595]

Dividing attention again confirms the reality of “two personalities” in me as Gurdjieff describes. Are all wishes for myself “egoistic”? If so, why does Gurdjieff have Hassein defend himself against this accusation from Ahoon at the very beginning of Beelzebub’s Tales, by exploring the role of motivation and context in self expression?  [p 59]

Gurdjieff uses “egoism” and “egotist” to indicate the worst in man that both blocks spiritual growth and is a continuing source of disharmony for the universe and suffering for Endlessness. Gurdjieff urges for “struggling unceasingly with one's subjective weaknesses ... and defects in one's established subjectivity ...  and combating them, strive for their eradication without mercy towards oneself.” (p 1209) Such powerful directives ought to be aimed with precision. 

“Ego” is the sound assigned by Greek to the experiential sense of “I”, by Latin to the feel of “I”, “me”, “myself”, and is referenced in metaphysical psychology as “the conscious, thinking subject.”  In this sense, at its beginnings, it appears to carry no inherent trace of the narcissistic qualities we attach to egoism.  It enters incarnation, descending with the penetrating vertical dimension from “above,” carried into heart and mind as innocent potential for self-awareness.

If Ego refers to the sense of I-myself, the experience of self-consciousness can’t be “abnormal and unbecoming” to the essence. What is it am I to strive to eradicate without mercy towards “myself”? If Ego refers to the sense of I-myself, how is this to be done? What then, is aware of being an “I” becoming aware of its egoism? Is egoism the same as Ego?

In the birth pangs of awakening, when unfed and unsupported, insufficiently midwifed by its human community, the young subjective self-awareness invariably misunderstands the potential behind its sensory interface with the world. It is understandable that the growth of this capacity might lead to the assumption that the existence of this power represented the ultimate level possible within the individual.

Viewed from the horizontal line of life, this psychic capacity to influence ones own manifestations and those of others is, arguably, the supreme ruler within the animal world and a powerful tool in the struggle for acceptance in the emotional universe of personalities. If this young “conscious thinking subject” doesn’t have the support of appropriate education to recognize itself as but the growing tip of a larger Self lying above its current awareness, it can’t help but take credit, or blame, for its situation. Feeling it must hold its sense of self together against the outer world by its own efforts, ignorant of the help available from within, its lower part becomes encrusted with this misunderstanding. The descending conscious entity, Ego, develops, at its tail, an ‘ism,’ as Gurdjieff would say. Egoism becomes a belief system, an ideological world view believed necessary to maintain its existence. Affixing the suffix ‘crat’, which Gurdjieff says means to 'hold' or to 'keep,” the lower part of Ego becomes an Egocrat”, holding its sense of self together only by means of mistaken understanding of who and what it is. Becoming part of its sense of survival, this belief must be defended at all costs. [p 764]

In many theologies, and parts of the Gurdjieff work community, the problem created by egoism seems to have blended with the larger question of Ego. Applying the standard of relativity, this self reflectivity would lawfully experience fluctuating intensity with differing levels of understanding.  If Ego is viewed as the subjective experience of I, the subject conscious of itself, then the term feels related to Gurdjieff’s third state of consciousness and the potential for higher being bodies. 

Throughout Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grandson, the term Ego, in combination with other prefix and suffix combinations, is used in contexts suggesting a multitude of meaning for this root. In relationship with only one other term, such as egoism, egocrat, egoist, the sense is pejorative. An expanded potential is suggested when Ego is embedded within neologisms that denote higher beings, higher states and Endlessness Itself. Egoplastikori has the flavor of increased flexibility of attitude and perception. Egolionopties resonates with the feel of enhanced vision, the cognizance and feeling of courage and faith in one’s might symbolized in the legs of the Akhaldan Sphinx and Gurdjieff’s praise of the intelligence and courage of “Mr. Lion.” [p 199 , 308].   “Egoaitoorassian being-will” is ‘something’ engendered from “the excess of its third holy force, namely, the 'Holy Reconciling,' obtained during the assimilation of cosmic truths.” [p 563]   Inclusion in the terms Autoegocrat and Trogoautoegocrat lift Ego into the highest realms. There seems the implication of a seed planted to differentiate Ego, as awakening consciousness, from the misuse of its power when applied to the aim of self-calming in life.

From the level only of experiencing wish for better within myself, the way forward is unclear. If it were clear, there would be awareness of more than wish sensed at this location. This wish must be a resonant taste of something lying above, otherwise there would be no intuition that there is more to seek beyond this current position. Here now is the sense of relationship with a third element. The view must shift to what is above to find help with what is below.

Beelzebub’s Tales are filled with exhortations for non-violence, forgiveness and pardon.  Excluding only the Eternal Hasnamuss, all errors, miscalculations, mistakes and unbecoming manifestations are forgivable. “It goes without saying, GOD forgives everything -- this has even become a law in the World.” [198]  Angels and archangels are promoted despite miscalculations of cosmic proportion. Higher being bodies are given the most beautiful planet on which to continue work on lingering imperfections. Beelzebub, even during his exile and prior to his return home in honor and recognition, is asked for help by Archangels at the behest of Endlessness Himself. Beelzebub comes to understand that “even such great events as wars, civil-wars and other similar misfortunes of a general character, proceed simply on account of a property in the common presences of ordinary people who have never specially worked on themselves, which property I ... would call “the- reflecting-of-reality-in-one's-attention-upside-down.” [p 1233]  Recognition of the implications of the unfathomable energy that makes consciousness possible is blocked when Ego-consciousness looks outward, rather than inward, for its understanding. 

When deepening experience begins to inform these questions, the sense of something new growing into the interior, or upward, starts to solidify a different understanding. Belief in what the world suggests I am is now seen as an image reflected back from life. From where does the light that illuminates this reflected image originate? With such questions, egotistic reactions weaken .... but they do seem to linger. Perhaps the depth of remorse at their persistence indicates the distance of growth away from life values. Yet, there seems to be another more subtle level of misunderstanding at this point.

Gurdjieff describes the experience of remorse as occurring when “every part that has arisen from the results of any one Holy Source of the Sacred Triamazikamno, as it were, revolts and criticizes the former unbecoming perceptions and manifestations at the moment of another part of its whole.”  [p 141]   Here is the tension between what I wish to be and what I see still contained in my inner world, but there is more to be discovered in this reaction. Are revolting and criticizing, by themselves, facilitators of digestion or indigestion?  How is this meal to be digested?

Remorse is also referred to as the “sacred process, Aieioiuoa” that “always proceeds with the Omnipresent-Active-Element-Okidanokh ...when in immediate touch with the emanations either of the Sun Absolute itself or of any other Sun.” [p141]  Is it the light of my inner sun that illuminates the egoism for me to see below? I must not turn the taste of remorse into an attack on my whole Self. Nor ought I to attack the lower part of my psychological nature that has fallen into a misguided understanding of itself.

Words accompanying remorse over lingering manifestations of egoism often take a recriminative form, such as “Why I haven’t outgrown this reaction”?  Behind this question is still a semblance of continuing supposition that  “I can do” -- or “I ought to be able to do.” There is still attachment to a sense of individual I-ness. Is this not itself a reflection of egoism, the belief that I, myself, can direct the work of moving back towards the origin of consciousness and creation? The mystery of myself grows more profound as it becomes more directly experienced. How can I assume I ought to know how to direct what I do not understand when I do not even know who or what I am? Only egoism could make such an assumption.

If I anathamatize Ego for its immature misunderstandings, am I not engaging in the same type of division, hubris and third force blindness attributed to sleeping humanity? The egoist’s weapon of choice is dividing others into castes and attacking those lower than itself and fawning at those it deems higher.  If viewed as something without logical explanation in my inner world, the desire to separate from the misunderstanding of ‘egoism’ likely leads to an attitudinal attack on these qualities when seen from above. Ironically, attack is the tool of egoism. 

COMPASSION AND RECONCILIATION

Gurdjieff tells us not to use violence to facilitate transformation but to withdraw from identification, to separate our sense of Self from impressions. Beelzebub’s Tales indicates our approach to change must be indirect, patient, based on observation and reason, held within a state of three-centered presence. If I am to separate from identification with my unbecoming parts, I must recognize that egoistic qualities remain below as conditioned potential reaction, reflection of an immature level of understanding continuing to live pressed up against the belief that the body is all I am.  Attack requires identification as a prerequisite and strengthens this belief. Why attack the whole of my Self for lingering consequences of Itoklanoz education not of my own doing? The very existence of my wish demonstrates that understanding has already matured far beyond the Itoklanoz perspective. If I attack what lies below, the power and potential coming from above is stolen and driven downward into life, the potency of the attack lawfully provoking an equivalent defense.

Now another question appears. Do “I”, ‘me” and “myself” refer to the same levels? The term “myself” has a quality of possessiveness: my self, mine,   .... as distinct from what ..... others “selves”? If this self belongs to “me,” can it be lost? Must it be protected and defended? Who would be able to take it away?  What about “me” and “I”?  Does “me” have the same resonance as “I AM”? Which self and whose self is being referred to?  Instead, I must ask, what is awareness of I-ness to serve? Is its growing presence for my individual maturation alone, or is something deeper to emerge from the ripening sense of Self?

Gurdjieff says “ ‘the highest aim and sense of human life is the striving to attain the welfare of one’s neighbor,’ and that this is possible exclusively only by the conscious renunciation of one’s own.” [p 1186]  What inside my psychological world would have the wish and will to renounce my own welfare? The Five Strivings outline duty to Endlessness as the use of consciousness to serve life and the development of higher being bodies, not to attack the lower world. [p 386]  The power of self awareness is a reflection of the creative potential to modify understanding and the course of events.

What an unfair dilemma for the awakening Ego-consciousness, born into a hypnotized world deep in sleep, struggling for years to fathom itself on a foundation of misunderstanding implanted from the outside, constantly fooled by the overpowering energy of the senses, commanded by instinct to serve the body’s desire for comfort and  survival. This is truly the origin of myth and fairy tale.  No wonder Ego, the conscious sense of I-ness, becomes trapped in identification with the material world at an immature stage of growth where it tragically believes itself solely responsible for holding itself and its entire world together. It must be a frightened child indeed, hiding, equivocating or puffing itself up to avoid glimpsing its non-existence.

If I am to develop the ableness to tolerate the unpleasing manifestations of others towards myself, I ought to begin with tolerating the insults to my spiritual self-image when offended by the appearance of lingering immaturity unbecoming to higher aims. To do otherwise is spiritual egotism.

Gurdjieff has St. Buddha say that to assist Endlessness in His suffering, we are to choose the non-desires over the desires. He says our mechanical suffering stands between us and our spiritual possibilities. Desiring results leads to frustration when their manifestation cannot be controlled or maintained.

To forgive means to release from debt. If I believe I am owed, and that this debt limits my freedom, then I am a slave who must wait for repayment to be free. If I cancel the debt myself, the moment I free my debtor I am simultaneously released. I see that I contain within my being, conditioned, unintentional, youthful misunderstandings imposed from outside and nourished by my fears and suggestibility.  Can I forgive my Self for being a manifestation that encompasses lower as well as higher worlds stretching from earth to Heaven? Can I intentionally suffer laboring to remain conscious within my Self at all levels?

I need to experience and accept my Self in the middle, half way up the ladder, crucified at the point of penetration from above with the world below, helpless to force my will, challenged to have only the courage to see. I must serve below and above by looking  simultaneously, with compassion downward and essence-hope and faith towards the love flowing from above. If the world below suffers and I suffer here in the middle, how much must the world above suffer also? May joining my Self consciously to this intentional tension connect me to Endlessness and decrease the sorrow of us both.

January 2010

ALL AND EVERYTHING CONFERENCE 2010

References

All quotes from G.I.Gurdjieff, All & Everything: Beelzebub’s Tales to His Grandson, E. P. Dutton Company Inc., N.Y. 1964